Walking With Hazel: EPIC.

So, yes, we had an epic weekend. 


Of course, we ALWAYS have epic weekends, so much so that we've decided not to use the term 'epic' anymore, and now we just make do with, "Oh, my weekend? yeah, it was okay..."


So but still: had a big long post ready, had copious notes on who and what and where and for exactly how much, notes on how we kidnapped Rob and forced him to work in our version of the salt mines (i.e. the wilderness that is our backyard) armed with only a weed-whacker and a glass of lemonade, how the Little Miss spent the entire time documenting our progress with her camera, only it's not a real camera, it's one of those pop-up ones where a little guy popped up when you hit the trigger/selector/BUTTON OF DOOM, but she was quite diligent with it regardless, and how we discovered that on Dad's camera (the real one) every picture that'd been taken over the last two months seemed to consist of Hazel in her pajamas while eating pancakes with strawberries, bananas, & whipped cream, and of course how Rob discovered we had a wasp's nest in our raspberry bushes by hitting it with the aforementioned weed-whacker, which meant that everyone became quite acquainted with the usage of witch hazel, except for Hazel herself, who at the time was still inside taking 'pictures' of the whole ordeal.


And that was only Saturday.


And then I scrapped it, because the only thing you really need to know is that it started out with Dad waking up, wondering where the Little Miss had gotten to, and that he eventually found her in the front yard, still in her pajamas but riding her unicorn (which is kind of a creepy toy because it's a unicorn HEAD on a STICK, and it's got a battery-powered whinny, and GOD THE NIGHTMARES, but anyway:), which caused Dad to ask: 


"Whatcha doin'?"


To which she replied:


"I DRANK THE MAGIC POTION SO NOW I CAN RIDE THE MAGIC UNICORN!"


And, honestly, if that isn't the set-up to an epic weekend, I don't know what else could be.




Speaking of epic: this is quite possibly the only song that truly deserves to be described as such:

Hi.

I think it was 2011 when I last posted. I'm not sure. THE INTERNET IS SO DIFFERENT NOW. Well, not really, but still: this kinda feels like breaking into an apartment you'd moved outta years ago in a building that'd since been condemned, just to see if something remains from THEN to maybe help shed light on the NOW.


Oh, Jesus, I just paralleled a Barenaked Ladies song. I deserve no internet forever.


Anyway: baby steps.


Stuff I Saw On The Bike Ride Home From Work While I Was Pistoning My Fat Legs & Trying To Keep My Belly Fat From Getting Caught In The Spokes:


1. A teenager in the driver's seat of a red corvette, wriggling out of a basketball jersey without bothering to remove his seatbelt.


2. A very tanned good-ol-boy, complete with mullet and handlebar moustache, at the wheel of a battered olive-coloured truck, blasting Ludacris on his stereo and rapping along word for word. He nearly hit me, but it's okay because he stopped just in time and was very sincere in his apology. I just kinda gasped for breath and kept pedalling, because somewhere, out there, is a version of me that doesn't get tired when he gets up from a chair.


3. A woman eating an entire McDonald's Chicken McNugget Meal in front of a church (the one that Mark once said was gonna be his vampire home) while waiting for the bus.


4. A window decal at Starbucks that said 'This Is My Now Frappuccino' which puzzled me because I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS HOW DID I GET SO OLD.


5. Ducks.


That is all. Your Tumblr account is basically you just saying that you've given up on memory, and now you have a place to keep all of your special things.


Your homework: list every possible type of apocalypse you can think of. Zombies don't count, of course.