So, today started out kinda slow, because Dad is what we like to refer here at NBNF as 'a lazy bastard', so we didn't really get to clean up the garden or rake the leaves or, hell, have breakfast, because Dad woke up at 12:45 on a day when he was s'posed to pick up the Little Miss at 1:00. Suffice to say, there was a tiny bit of panic as Dad kinda showered and kinda got dressed and gulped down a cold Americano and rushed off and got halfway to Mom's place before realizing that he'd forgotten his wallet and phone and some other important stuff, so he came back home and let's just start this over, shall we?
So.
1. Caffe Beano.
The majority of our time here was pretty much one big game of 'Gotcher Nose!' that Dad, Jess and Jeannie tried to play with Hazel (while Dad nursed a coffee and tried to wake up) which ended quite promptly when The Little Miss informed us that there was really no way that we could have removed her nose and hidden it in the drawer with all the coffee beans because it was glued to her face, which led Jeannie to shout out into a crowded coffee shop, "OHMIGOD HAZEL WHERE'S YOUR NOSE?", obviously in an attempt to convince her that we had actually removed her nose, but to no avail. It was kinda funny, though, because a lot of people turned and stared at us.
2. Phil's Diner.
While Dad was quite grateful for the chance to stop and scarf down some good ol' fashioned grease before getting on with our errands, let's just say that it probably wasn't the best idea to eat breakfast/brunch/lunch/late lunch/oh-christ-is-it-really-that-late-in-the-day? with a 4-year-old at a place where everyone's chair swivels.
Or maybe it was. Onwards!
3. Fair's Fair.
Now, Dad would like to point out that he did, in fact, find a new China Mieville novel to read, (an uncorrected proof, at that, which really doesn't mean anything other than it ain't got no cover art or nuthin' but who cares cuz it's China fucking Mieville, right? Right.), but he'll also admit that the highlight of this stop was listening to an older lady inquire of the clerk as to what this whole 'Burning Man Festival' was, and then when hearing the explanation offered replied, "Oh, it's like that Jane Fonda movie, They Shoot Horses, Don't They?", and then proceeded to explain what the movie was about before leaving with her purchase, after which the clerk turned to her co-worker and asked, "Why was that lady talking about shooting whores?"
Then Hazel got to pick out her own books, and while Dad paid for them, she pointed out the huge oil paintings adorning the walls that featured characters from various fairy tales, and then proceeded to tell Dad a story featuring every one of characters, which was pretty much about a lion leaving the jungle and visiting a wizard and asking him to help the unicorn who was under the spell of a rainbow so that it couldn't marry the princess. But, y'know, with a lot more detail.
4. Once Upon A Child.
Let's just say that we managed to pick up some new pajamas for The Little Miss, and forget that fact that Dad nearly punched a lady who pushed Hazel out of her way in one of the aisles, and while Dad will admit that there's a possibility he might've overreacted, he's okay with letting everyone know that if you touch his child he will end you.
5. Co-op.
This is where we needed to take a bathroom break, although we could clearly hear someone in the next stall making noises, which led Hazel to ask Dad what those noises were, to which Dad replied that the person probably was trying to go poop, wherein Hazel responded loudly, "Wow, that must be the biggest poop in the world!"
6. And home.
And since it was so late in the day, Dad let Hazel watch Kung Fu Panda while he made dinner, and when he came in to say that it was ready, he watched as she attempted to somersault in the air from the couch to the chair but missed completely and landed in a heap on the floor, only to jump up immediately and announce that she was perfectly fine, and that she needed to try that jump so that she wouldn't be scared when it was bedtime and she was in her bedroom alone in the dark.
Yes, my child practices kung fu in order to combat nightmares. Holy Shit. Hazel is officially The Awesome.
Then we had dinner and listened to some music, and then Le Tigre came on and Hazel put down her fork and told Dad matter-of-factly that "we can't eat while we're dancing" and then ran away from the dinner table, and I think that's the best place to end this.
So.
1. Caffe Beano.
The majority of our time here was pretty much one big game of 'Gotcher Nose!' that Dad, Jess and Jeannie tried to play with Hazel (while Dad nursed a coffee and tried to wake up) which ended quite promptly when The Little Miss informed us that there was really no way that we could have removed her nose and hidden it in the drawer with all the coffee beans because it was glued to her face, which led Jeannie to shout out into a crowded coffee shop, "OHMIGOD HAZEL WHERE'S YOUR NOSE?", obviously in an attempt to convince her that we had actually removed her nose, but to no avail. It was kinda funny, though, because a lot of people turned and stared at us.
2. Phil's Diner.
While Dad was quite grateful for the chance to stop and scarf down some good ol' fashioned grease before getting on with our errands, let's just say that it probably wasn't the best idea to eat breakfast/brunch/lunch/late lunch/oh-christ-is-it-really-that-late-in-the-day? with a 4-year-old at a place where everyone's chair swivels.
Or maybe it was. Onwards!
3. Fair's Fair.
Now, Dad would like to point out that he did, in fact, find a new China Mieville novel to read, (an uncorrected proof, at that, which really doesn't mean anything other than it ain't got no cover art or nuthin' but who cares cuz it's China fucking Mieville, right? Right.), but he'll also admit that the highlight of this stop was listening to an older lady inquire of the clerk as to what this whole 'Burning Man Festival' was, and then when hearing the explanation offered replied, "Oh, it's like that Jane Fonda movie, They Shoot Horses, Don't They?", and then proceeded to explain what the movie was about before leaving with her purchase, after which the clerk turned to her co-worker and asked, "Why was that lady talking about shooting whores?"
Then Hazel got to pick out her own books, and while Dad paid for them, she pointed out the huge oil paintings adorning the walls that featured characters from various fairy tales, and then proceeded to tell Dad a story featuring every one of characters, which was pretty much about a lion leaving the jungle and visiting a wizard and asking him to help the unicorn who was under the spell of a rainbow so that it couldn't marry the princess. But, y'know, with a lot more detail.
4. Once Upon A Child.
Let's just say that we managed to pick up some new pajamas for The Little Miss, and forget that fact that Dad nearly punched a lady who pushed Hazel out of her way in one of the aisles, and while Dad will admit that there's a possibility he might've overreacted, he's okay with letting everyone know that if you touch his child he will end you.
5. Co-op.
This is where we needed to take a bathroom break, although we could clearly hear someone in the next stall making noises, which led Hazel to ask Dad what those noises were, to which Dad replied that the person probably was trying to go poop, wherein Hazel responded loudly, "Wow, that must be the biggest poop in the world!"
6. And home.
And since it was so late in the day, Dad let Hazel watch Kung Fu Panda while he made dinner, and when he came in to say that it was ready, he watched as she attempted to somersault in the air from the couch to the chair but missed completely and landed in a heap on the floor, only to jump up immediately and announce that she was perfectly fine, and that she needed to try that jump so that she wouldn't be scared when it was bedtime and she was in her bedroom alone in the dark.
Yes, my child practices kung fu in order to combat nightmares. Holy Shit. Hazel is officially The Awesome.
Then we had dinner and listened to some music, and then Le Tigre came on and Hazel put down her fork and told Dad matter-of-factly that "we can't eat while we're dancing" and then ran away from the dinner table, and I think that's the best place to end this.
