First Dad woke up and coughed a lot, because he's got this stupid chest cold that just won't go away, and if he thought he felt like an old man before, well, just you wait until he sees how he feels after one of these coughing fits, the kind that take a full couple of minutes to get out and then leave you unable to see or hear for a few seconds. Yeah. That's right.
Anyway, we've established many times that Dad's a wimp. No big news there. Moving on.
So Dad dragged his lazy carcass outta bed and got all cleaned up and whatnot and headed to the indoor playground at Eau Claire, because that's where the Little Miss and Mom and some other people were waiting, and when Dad got there, Hazel proceeded to mete out the snacks (carrot sticks and grapes and chocolate covered almonds) because it was very important that SHE BE IN CONTROL OF THE SNACKS, and we must say that she was very fair about it, and everyone got enough snacks.
Then we played. First Mom showed Hazel how easy it was to climb up slides if you took your socks off, and then Hazel showed another little girl, who kinda got the hang of it but only took off one sock instead of both so she kinda had a hard time, even with the Little Miss encouraging her. Then Hazel found the window that she pretended was the ice cream shop, and then Dad bought $14.20 worth of chocolate chicken ice cream. Then Dad had to be locked underneath the playset, because he was a scary dinosaur ghost that made scary noises. Then Hazel was a princess that had to be locked in the tower, until another little girl came along and generously offered Hazel a key so that she could escape the tower. And then it was time to go, so we walked to Dad's car, making sure that we stepped on the proper cobblestones, because you had to step on the ones going up and down (NOT right to left) otherwise we'd be trapped. Then Hazel crossed a big snowbank all on her own and didn't even fall over once.
Next we went to Dad's work, where we had to use the bathroom, but we held our breath because it was stinky. Then we got a cookie and orange juice and played a game with Bruce where we pretended we'd all switched names, but then Dad and Bruce got confused and kept thinking that Bruce was Hazel and that Hazel was Dad and that Dad was Bruce, and then Hazel set us straight by yelling at us a lot. Then Hazel pretended she was a robot, so she had to say, "READY", all the time, and then Dad had to change her batteries.
Then we laughed at Christina for having to sweep outside. HA HA! But not really, because Christina is awesome, and plus she's not afraid to punch dad when she's angry.
Then we went grocery shopping, and after we got all of our stuff, we remembered to get purple flowers for the kitchen table, and then Garrett at Sunnyside Market gave the Little Miss two heart stickers. Two of 'em! Imagine that. Then Hazel decided that Mom needed some purple flowers, too, so we delivered some flowers to her house, and then we splashed in the puddles and Hazel commented that some of the melting ice on the sidewalk looked like rivers, and Dad agreed, and then we splashed some more.
Then we got in the car, and Hazel decided that she liked this song as her favourite for now, so we listened to it all the way home, which Dad didn't mind because it seriously fucking slays. Just don't tell Hazel that he swore, okay? Okay.
Then we got home, and Hazel found a stick that she could use for long walks, but we left it by the back door, and only after Dad promised that the squirrels wouldn't eat it. Then Hazel decided that only pirates were allowed in the living room, so Dad just put the groceries away, and now he's making tea. Seriously. Tea. Not coffee, because coffee doesn't really help with coughs, and he'll be goddamned if he's gonna go through another weekend without kicking this goddamned cough. Jeez.
Anyway, we've established many times that Dad's a wimp. No big news there. Moving on.
So Dad dragged his lazy carcass outta bed and got all cleaned up and whatnot and headed to the indoor playground at Eau Claire, because that's where the Little Miss and Mom and some other people were waiting, and when Dad got there, Hazel proceeded to mete out the snacks (carrot sticks and grapes and chocolate covered almonds) because it was very important that SHE BE IN CONTROL OF THE SNACKS, and we must say that she was very fair about it, and everyone got enough snacks.
Then we played. First Mom showed Hazel how easy it was to climb up slides if you took your socks off, and then Hazel showed another little girl, who kinda got the hang of it but only took off one sock instead of both so she kinda had a hard time, even with the Little Miss encouraging her. Then Hazel found the window that she pretended was the ice cream shop, and then Dad bought $14.20 worth of chocolate chicken ice cream. Then Dad had to be locked underneath the playset, because he was a scary dinosaur ghost that made scary noises. Then Hazel was a princess that had to be locked in the tower, until another little girl came along and generously offered Hazel a key so that she could escape the tower. And then it was time to go, so we walked to Dad's car, making sure that we stepped on the proper cobblestones, because you had to step on the ones going up and down (NOT right to left) otherwise we'd be trapped. Then Hazel crossed a big snowbank all on her own and didn't even fall over once.
Next we went to Dad's work, where we had to use the bathroom, but we held our breath because it was stinky. Then we got a cookie and orange juice and played a game with Bruce where we pretended we'd all switched names, but then Dad and Bruce got confused and kept thinking that Bruce was Hazel and that Hazel was Dad and that Dad was Bruce, and then Hazel set us straight by yelling at us a lot. Then Hazel pretended she was a robot, so she had to say, "READY", all the time, and then Dad had to change her batteries.
Then we laughed at Christina for having to sweep outside. HA HA! But not really, because Christina is awesome, and plus she's not afraid to punch dad when she's angry.
Then we went grocery shopping, and after we got all of our stuff, we remembered to get purple flowers for the kitchen table, and then Garrett at Sunnyside Market gave the Little Miss two heart stickers. Two of 'em! Imagine that. Then Hazel decided that Mom needed some purple flowers, too, so we delivered some flowers to her house, and then we splashed in the puddles and Hazel commented that some of the melting ice on the sidewalk looked like rivers, and Dad agreed, and then we splashed some more.
Then we got in the car, and Hazel decided that she liked this song as her favourite for now, so we listened to it all the way home, which Dad didn't mind because it seriously fucking slays. Just don't tell Hazel that he swore, okay? Okay.
Then we got home, and Hazel found a stick that she could use for long walks, but we left it by the back door, and only after Dad promised that the squirrels wouldn't eat it. Then Hazel decided that only pirates were allowed in the living room, so Dad just put the groceries away, and now he's making tea. Seriously. Tea. Not coffee, because coffee doesn't really help with coughs, and he'll be goddamned if he's gonna go through another weekend without kicking this goddamned cough. Jeez.
