A Quick Note, As A Parent.

Okay, so, before I dig into this wonderful salad that I made all by myself with some vegetables that I picked from the garden AGAIN ALL BY MYSELF (although I didn't grow them, because, y'know, I'm ME), I got something to say, and it ain't a Misfits song.

I know some of y'all don't have kids. I know. Shocking, but true. This is the world we have to live in. Let's move on.

I know that some of y'all whut don't got kids are aware that I DO gots a kid. I know this because y'all keep asking me questions that begin with the phrase, "So, as a parent, what's your take on...", as though being a parent is equivalent to being, say, a communist, or, I dunno, a Canucks fan, which is kinda insulting in a vague way, seeing how being a parent really doesn't change your views on much, unless it was something you were completely ignorant towards in the first place, like, say, ritualistic gential mutilation, or whatever. But, you learn to cope, because who has time to get upset when your kid's eating the finger paint or explaining why it was necessary that the poop took a nap in your bed?

Anyway. Do me favour. Before you ask me: "So, as a parent, what's your take on this? I was in Costco, and there was a lady with her child strapped to her chest who I kept running into in different aisles, and I noticed that people were staring at her as they passed, and then I realized that she was breastfeeding while she was doing her shopping! I gotta ask, is that considered acceptable (insert finger quotes here)?".

Ask yourself: what exactly is going on here?

And the only possible conclusion that you should arrive at is: a mother is feeding her child.

Before you say, "But-", let me repeat that: a MOTHER is FEEDING her CHILD.

Don't get me wrong. I have a license for being a Grumpy Old Man. I'm all for modesty. I want a world where men only speak in grunts and harrumphs and women would stop showing off their ankles. I like taking my clothes off for one person, and one person only, and even then she's gotta be closing her eyes. I'm a prude.

But if you're seriously gonna tell me that you see something wrong or inappropriate about a child being fed in public, well, dude, really: that is fucked up, with big bold capital letters. FUCKED. UP. I say that not as a parent, but as a human being.

Also: don't tell me you want to 'get in on that action'. Really. In fact, don't tell anyone that.

Now I must eat salad and go watch a show about a boy and his dog. This is a track called Stealing Fat, from the soundtrack to a wonderful movie, but you should ignore the video that accompanies it and just listen to the music at a very loud volume.